Green people. There to make your life that bit shitter.

I am sick to fucking death of green people telling me what to do with my life in order to save trees that don’t give a shit about me. You know who they are, the type of people who frown at you for using more than a drop of water to wash your hands and eating food that wasn’t grown in your own back garden and fertilized with your own feces. The sort of people who will hate you for using a car instead of cycling everywhere whilst breathing in the toxic bus fumes. I hate cyclists because they think they’re so much better than people who drive cars. Well here is a photo of a very typical cyclist.



I don’t have the patience to let my house become a giant recycling centre every week because the council picks up the recycling when they feel like it, the council seem to always take the bin liners so that’s how they’re gonna get it!. Here’s a photo of my impressive collection of rubbish due to the council not collecting it:



I put that garbage out earlier today but my green cyclist housemate brought it back in, even though he’s the one who couldn’t be bothered to sort it and I sorted it last time! So I put it back out there again just in time for the garbage men. And just to make sure they took it I spread it out over 3 houses! Here’s the proof of the success of my plan!



I’m a student. I have no money and hardly enough time as it is to do the tones of work given to me for my non-retard degree. I don’t give a shit about CO2 emissions or whatever the hell they are because I’m screwed over by the government and world enough as it is. Trees aren’t gonna help me get a job. Green people don’t think realistically or practically. If my friend is stranded in the city centre with a load of rapers round every corner and you tell them “I’ll be there in about half an hour after I get out my bike, stick my helmet on, stick reflectors to my ass, find somewhere to lock my bike, run and get you” they would already be gang raped…multiple times, with the entire ann summers toy collection, and so would you if you were stupid enough to go save them.

Green are they? More like brown cause they’re so full of shit. Once I have a job and my own place I might actually start turning my TV off standby. But let’s face it, we only live once so let enjoy it and let our kids worry about it. In fact if you don’t have kids then there’s no reason for you to care. So the more I get pestered to cycle, recycle, and reuse, the more I’m going to keep my car engine running all fucking day until they’ve all suffocated on my fumes whilst on their stupid child toys.

Stupid statue man

I went shopping today. Well I say shopping, I consider it a mission to find a certain item that meant I had to enter a shop in order to get it. I don't like shopping but it has to be done otherwise I'd be naked and/or dead.

I was walking through the high street and there was one of those stupid statue people who want you to give them money for just standing there. They're just ridiculous.



It's not entertaining at all. It's just a guy standing still. yet everyone still gawps at him, watching pigeons land on his head and waiting to see if they're going to crap in his hair. It's disgusting. If I wanted to watch stupid birds shitting all over people I'd download some scat porn.

OK fine he's gone to all the trouble of painting himself and he has stood still for a long time, but it's not fun or interesting. It's boring. I'm sure he'd make more money doing something useful. There are some still performers I see which are actually fun to watch that have cool clothes and look like they're part of a movie scene and do a slow motion act when someone pays them. But this guy doesn't, this guy is just shit! Shit at everything. He can't even make a success of standing still. He might as well just sit down on a bench and eat a sandwich, it would be just as interesting.

I mean why does this guy even bother getting up in the morning? Did one day he think "you know what? I'm going to do something with my life! I'm going to paint myself black then go stand in the street and get shat on by pigeons" What a ****ing nutcase. Don't give me that "oh he's a tramp and it's the only thing he can do" crap. First off, where does he get the paint? Does he keep finding it in a skip behind a paint factory? And it can't be any old paint, it must be some special stuff, so where does he get the money for that? Oh I know, the pennies people put in his pot. A great business model... Buy some paint to make money to buy some more ****ing paint. What an idiot.

He doesn't at atmosphere. He just looks stupid.

Apple Macbooks...what a load of marketing bullshit fueled crap

Warning: May contain extreme sarcasm.

Yeah OK... I guess this is a nerd rant, since no one can talk about anything IT related without sounding sad these days, because that's what has been socially programmed into us since we were school kids bullying and laughing at the future Facebook creators.

Macbooks are the biggest pile of Apple turd I've ever used (Not OSX mind you, but that's not as good as everyone says it is either in my opinion, but it is fast and we need alternatives to Windows :P, shame it can only be installed on Macs without any mucking around). First off, they cost a shit load more than its PC equivalent, and don't do anything more except run Final Cut Pro for video editing, which isn't any better than Adobe Premiere which media students can "purchase" for the PC (because media students have enough money to spend hundreds on software, everyone knows that, especially Apple).

Also, you have two options: Plastic White or Aluminium Silver, oh the choice. Rip off, or Deluxe Rip Off. Now I'm not going to bore you with a Mac/PC spec/price comparison because that would be pointless and embarrass anyone reading this on a Mac. But first off, I thought Macs were for media...right? Podcasts, video editing, and blogs (which apparently only Macs can do). So why the hell doesn't it have a firewire port? It's essential for plugging most decent video cameras into! iMovie complains when you open it because it can't find the firewire port, because it isn't fucking there. So now you have to buy a USB Camcorder? But USB camcorders are shit and many of them don't work with Macs. I guess music students can try busking to get the extra cash for a new Camcorder, but everyone else is screwed. If only they bought a MacBook pro their problems would be over I guess. And don’t give me that adapter shit! When I bought a macbook I didn’t realise how many adapters and software add ons you need to make it do what a PC has been doing for decades (like being able to plug it into a projector). So yeah you have an ultra portable notebook, shame you need to carry a dozen adapters with you too.

MacBook pros are somewhat useful I guess, as long as you install Windows as well so you're compatible with people who don't spend all on their money on an Apple logo. But the only people who can afford them are people with jobs but no lives except for making podcasts about how damn pointless their own lives actually are.

OK so to finish, I think Apple Macbooks are stylish, but not useful. Apple like taking stuff out of their products then selling it for more. They're a fashion icon, backed up by lying TV commercials that are so desperate they make tramps look well off. You’re “cool” if you have one, because they cost lots of money and people with lots of money have more friends.

I am now going to compare the Macbook to a cardboard box. Because I'm intrigued to find out which is the most useful and best value for money.

Macbook (Rip Off Deluxe Model)

Number of viruses: Few (Depending on Mac market share)
Weight: 2.04 kg
Storage: 160 Gigabyte of Podcasts
Battery Life: 5 hours
Firewire: No
Fun Features: Photoshop
Cost: $1,299

Cardboard Box

Number of viruses: None
Weight: 0.5Kg
Storage: Anything
Battery Life: Infinite
Firewire: Optional (You can push the cable into the box)
Fun Features: Can be a space ship, a race car, a boat, a den, a bed, hiding place, scaring people by jumping out of it.
Cost: $0.69

As you can see, the box clearly wins. It is much more flexible and fun than the Macbook, and is 0.053% of the price. The only thing the cardboard box can’t do that a Macbook can is edit your videos and post them on YouTube. However this doesn’t matter because the Macbook can’t upload your videos in the first place so the cardboard box actually wins at everything. So if you have some spare cash I highly recommend the cardboard box which you can purchase at all good DIY stores.

Tar rah!

My first post...

Well this is a bit shit isn't it?