Advanced White or Max White?

So I'm shopping again, and I want some toothpaste. Simple task right? No. It isn't. I pick up the 'Advanced White' Colgate toothpaste with its magic whitening crystals that apparently "explode with whitening power inside your mouth" (according to some horny marketing executive), but then I see Colgate 'MaxWhite'...



Surely the best whitening toothpaste would be the Advanced White? I mean that's why it's advanced. If it's not the best then it should be called 'Average Whitening'. But no, there's MaxWhite in the mix now, just to make your decision even more complicated than it already is. So which do I go for? The Advanced one or the one that implies it has the maximum amount of "whitening power" possible. On top of that there's MaxFresh for ultra fresh breath, but I want that as well! I want white teeth AND fresh breath! WHY CAN'T I HAVE BOTH YOU SHIT!?

So I go for MaxWhite, because logically that will be the best at making my teeth white, because it is the maximum, meaning nothing else can get 'em more white. Of course it makes no fucking difference whether I use that or horse shit for toothpaste, cause my teeth always stay exactly the same regardless.

I hate marketing bullshit. And Colgate toothpaste is probably the biggest example of it. I just want toothpaste that will make my teeth fucking white so I can get laid. That's all I want. That's what all men want out of a toothpaste at the end of the day. If you want toothpaste to fly off the shelves, call it 'Get Laid Paste'. Then you could also make one for women called 'Post BJ Paste', that is specially designed to get rid of 'man paste'.