All Bath girls are whores!

I haven't had much luck with girls from bath, and I’ve recently discovered why after realizing the differences between single guys and guys in relationships. You see in order to get an English girl from Bath you need to be at least one of the following:

Tall
Dark
Handsome
Rich
Famous
Computer Illiterate

I used to think it was down to personality and confidence, but I now know that’s complete horse shit because there aren’t many girls I know going out with charismatic and humorous tramps.

So short poor people have two choices: Somehow become rich and famous, or purchase a mail order bride. Now some people would see this as degrading but since the only difference between a female friend and a girlfriend is the label “girlfriend”, it makes no difference how you get laid! I mean, you could say “she’s only married to you because she wanted a roof over her head” and the answer to that would be “so?” An Bath girl would only be married to you because of the 6 key personality traits I listed earlier.

I’ve actually done some research and look what I’ve found!
Hot Ukrainian Chick

She’s fucking hot! And I bet she doesn’t care about being seen with a man who knows what RAM is and doesn’t wear popped collared Abercrombie and Fitch polo shirts. It’s win/win. You get laid with a hottie and don’t have to put up with worries over superficial bullshit (as long she's kept away from Sex in the City and anything with Hugh Grant in it).

I’m now going to compare a long term relationship with a Bath girl and a mail order bride:

Bath Girl

Advantages:
Speaks good English

Disadvantages:
Speaks good English (so have to listen to nagging and complaining)
Kept on your toes with many demands
At first sign of reduction in wealth and status relationship will terminate
Must always be wearing at least one item of Jack Wills clothing

Expenses:
Her birthdays
Her friend’s birthdays
Her family’s birthdays
Going to Italy and zoos
Anniversaries
Valentines Day
Christmas
Her family’s Christmas
Jewellery
Shoes
Clothes
Handbags
Cinema tickets
Tapas restaurants
Whisky (for yourself)
Health Spas
BMW/Audi
200,000 miles depreciation

Mail Order Bride

Advantages:
Doesn’t speak much English
Simple arrangement
If things don't work out can buy another one

Disadvantages:
May just use you to get into country then flee

Expenses:
Rent

So as far as I’m concerned I’m sorted. Get job, get studio apartment, get mail order Ukrainian bride.