Charity people are cunts!

People who do things for charity are the most annoying cunts in the world, even more so than the beggers they're trying to "help". No one gives a shit about their charity. If they did they would be doing something about it themselves without charity ***** coming up to them and saying how bloody important it is that they raise enough money to do something for women with mutating vaginas. Especially when they know nothing about it themselves.



Charity people are attention seekers at the end of the day. They'd still do the stupid things they do whether you give them money or not. Really the fund raising is just a way of justifying their pointless life experiences. My way around people asking me for money for charity is I tell them I'll give them £100 if they DON'T do the fucking stupid thing they're planning on doing. We'll see how much they care about endangered sperm whales then.

The bath half marathon was on fairly recently, all full of idiots in costumes because they're such a good laugh. Oh they're so fucking funny running dressed as batman and robin. If only I could be so clever and funny as to run for miles dressed as a complete tosser. It's pathetic. If you're going to run it do it properly and stop drawing attention to yourself you pitiful waste of space.

Slugs are shit!

Why do slugs even exist? They don't do anything. They just slither around looking like turds, that's it!

Pointless.

Skiing is for wankers.

I hate fucking skiing. It's for wankers to go somewhere they can ponce around in their designer ski goggles and show off to other wankers whose idea of a fun holiday is smashing their face open on a someone else's skis. I've been skiing before, and it's shit. You go to the top of a mountain, then you go back down again. What's the point? It's so fucking dangerous! You're going down a mountain on a couple of glamorised blanks of wood at the same time as a hundred other wankers trying to prove they're just as much of an idiot as you are. And what's worse is parents make their kids do it! "don't worry daughter, it's worth risking your mobility to prove to my friends I'm better than them, trust me :)".



Of course these wankers are more worried about how much money they can prove they have by being seen wearing £1000 ski jackets, because that's more important. Ski resorts are a brilliant idea though from a business point of view. Build up a reputation for being the holiday destination for the elite, then once the morons are down, charge them the earth for lessons, and if they're stupid enough to actually ski down the slopes charge them again for rescuing them by dragging them to the medical centre in a sleeping bag, and then charge them again for telling them they've crippled themselves for life :D. You gotta love the skiing holiday.

"Did I tell you about my Rolex?"


I don't know about you, but my idea of a holiday is lying on a hot beach in the sun with an ice cold pineapple juice, with a pineapple in it, whilst watching hot women playing volleyball by the sea and occasionally falling in, getting themselves all wet and splashing each other. You don't get that with skiing though. All you get is long queues to get onto the ski lifts and a wanker telling you about his new Bentley.

Sainsbury's self checkouts are as retarded as their staff

I went shopping yesterday to buy some more food so I don't die, and I noticed the Sainsbury's in Bath has got rid of loads of its manned checkouts with self checkouts. That's fine, but they've completely fucked everything up. The system doesn't work. You scan the food, you put it down, then it just gets taken away on the conveyor belt to make one big fucking mess at the end. If you don't have someone with you to pack your stuff you're screwed and everything takes 4 times longer than if a human was put on it (and that's saying something).

Look! This is what happens!



And why don't the staff help? They just stand there watching you struggle with your impossible problem. Laughing at you, knowing that you've made a huge mistake taking on the giant puzzle that is the Sainsbury's self checkout.

And what the fuck is up with that "Unexpected item in the bagging area!" bullshit? It's basically calling me a a thief. It might as well say "Oi you pikey! You think I'm stupid? I know you haven't scanned those digestive biscuits! STAFF! STAAAFFFF!". I'll stick my balls in the bagging area next time, see if it expects that.

I'll tell you what else I don't like about pissing Sainsbury's, nectar points. You have to spend £300 in Sainbury's to get £2.50 back off your shopping. "Wow I've come to the end of my University year and now I can save 2 whole fucking pounds and 50 shitty pence on anything I like in the shop! I think I'll treat myself to some Sainsbury's basics bog roll! :D" It makes me sick. £2.50 would get you half a double vodka red bull in a club, or a quarter of a student discounted medium dominoes meatzza pizza. Pathetic.

Stupid statue man cont.

He was fucking there again. I really am getting pissed off with him being there. Why is he there? Why does he bother? He's such an idiot. I just want him to go away. I don't like him.

Look, another pigeon has landed on his head with it's ass aimed at his face.



This is fucking ridiculous. It's not entertainment. The only slightly entertaining part is the suspense of waiting to see if the pigeon is going to crap on his face. That's it! I'd rather take a diarrhoea shit on my own face than watch this embarrassment of a human being making an ass of himself.

I mean look at the morons staring at him like he's the 8th wonder of the world. They're just as stupid as he is. They're just encouraging him. He can see them, if they all just ignored him he would go do something useful. As far as I'm concerned he isn't contributing to anything. At best he is helping pigeons find somewhere to land and defecate, a bird table is far more useful because that can have bird food in it as well.

I saw the Jamaican guitarist/busker in bath the same today. He was playing at the same time. He's brilliant. I fact I'm going to try to organise a busking stand off between him and statue fuck-face. That I would pay a lot of money to see. Then everyone would see what a true waste of time and space the statue man really is.

Is it me or is everyone mental?

Where do I start? I live with a fucking nutcase. I am never going to live with anyone I haven't known for more than few weeks again. I guess it would be a good idea to start from the beginning.

OK so the degree I'm on at University is really small, mainly because no one in their right mind would want to do it. Anyway I didn't network well enough in my circle of friends at Uni so myself and a fellow course mate had to find a couple of people to live with for our final year (but I also like meeting and making friends with new people, so I was up for it initially). So we met up with them a couple of times first and they seemed perfectly normal. However we later learnt that our judge of character was in need of some serious fine tuning.

Since we've lived this particular person we have encountered the following:

- Our rubbish being taken out of bins and left in the kitchen
- Our cooking being tampered with and then walking away acting like nothing has changed
- Electronic appliances being moved around the house for no reason
- Putting hundreds of pounds on our (shit) pre pay gas and electricity randomly with no explanation
- Being pressured into cycling up a giant fucking hill everyday to get to uni
- Random retarded outbursts of laughter that would freak out Marilyn Manson
- Turning the heating off as soon as we've put in on when we're freezing our ass off
- Stomping and jumping up and down the stairs
- Slamming each door he passes through

And that's just a small sample of the mental and weird shit he does. We put rubbish out, he brings it back in. But doesn't say a fucking thing! (see my green people post below). I feel like I'm living with a mental patient.

Right and take our TV. He put it in the most ridiculous place you could think of. Somewhere that you can't actually watch it. And his solution? Move it? Oh no. That would be something a normal person would do. So what does he do to solve this problem? Put it on bricks! Yes that's right, on top of fucking bricks. Like he has stolen its bloody wheels.





Remember, this student goes to one of the most highly regarded Universities in the UK. It says a lot for the current higher educational system.

For years I have been surrounded by weirdos, but living with one is one of the most psychologically stressful things I have ever done, and sometimes I feel like I must be going insane accepting these things going on. It's no wonder that in this day and age the most common reaction to a stranger approaching someone is "whoa!", "who are you?", "what do you want?" and "get the fuck away from me!".

Student life is tough enough as it is. And I can't wait to leave this behind and start living my life properly without having to lock my bedroom door every night just in case my housemate decides in the middle of the night to shit into his hands and rub it in my face while I'm asleep (he spends a damn long time in that bathroom...and he isn't washing himself that's for sure).

All Bath girls are whores!

I haven't had much luck with girls from bath, and I’ve recently discovered why after realizing the differences between single guys and guys in relationships. You see in order to get an English girl from Bath you need to be at least one of the following:

Tall
Dark
Handsome
Rich
Famous
Computer Illiterate

I used to think it was down to personality and confidence, but I now know that’s complete horse shit because there aren’t many girls I know going out with charismatic and humorous tramps.

So short poor people have two choices: Somehow become rich and famous, or purchase a mail order bride. Now some people would see this as degrading but since the only difference between a female friend and a girlfriend is the label “girlfriend”, it makes no difference how you get laid! I mean, you could say “she’s only married to you because she wanted a roof over her head” and the answer to that would be “so?” An Bath girl would only be married to you because of the 6 key personality traits I listed earlier.

I’ve actually done some research and look what I’ve found!
Hot Ukrainian Chick

She’s fucking hot! And I bet she doesn’t care about being seen with a man who knows what RAM is and doesn’t wear popped collared Abercrombie and Fitch polo shirts. It’s win/win. You get laid with a hottie and don’t have to put up with worries over superficial bullshit (as long she's kept away from Sex in the City and anything with Hugh Grant in it).

I’m now going to compare a long term relationship with a Bath girl and a mail order bride:

Bath Girl

Advantages:
Speaks good English

Disadvantages:
Speaks good English (so have to listen to nagging and complaining)
Kept on your toes with many demands
At first sign of reduction in wealth and status relationship will terminate
Must always be wearing at least one item of Jack Wills clothing

Expenses:
Her birthdays
Her friend’s birthdays
Her family’s birthdays
Going to Italy and zoos
Anniversaries
Valentines Day
Christmas
Her family’s Christmas
Jewellery
Shoes
Clothes
Handbags
Cinema tickets
Tapas restaurants
Whisky (for yourself)
Health Spas
BMW/Audi
200,000 miles depreciation

Mail Order Bride

Advantages:
Doesn’t speak much English
Simple arrangement
If things don't work out can buy another one

Disadvantages:
May just use you to get into country then flee

Expenses:
Rent

So as far as I’m concerned I’m sorted. Get job, get studio apartment, get mail order Ukrainian bride.